So tomorrow I start my new job. I'm super excited about it, it's doing something I love and something that I went to college and completed, something I'm good at so why am I sitting here crying and having panic attacks? This is the conversation going on in my head.
Side A: I'm so excited to working in this field again and at this facility, I've wanted to work here FOREVER
Side B: Don't be to happy, you won't be there long. I mean what we're you thinking getting a job 40 minutes away, with severe traffic and with you having to be there at 7 or 8 am. You work nights remember!
Side A crying: I can adjust, it will be rough but I can do it. Plus she told me that she had one spot open and several candidates and she picked ME. They want me there.
Side B: What if you can't hack it? You sprained your shoulder last time and it's still not healed. What if your co-workers hate you? What if you just can't do the job? What if you fuck up big time? This is going to be a disaster, you should just not even humiliate yourself like this.
Side A now curled up in a ball crying: fuck, fuck, fuck, what was I thinking! Fuck. What do I do? What do I do? Fuck I really need this! Breathe.... In for 4, hold for 7, release for 8. Now repeat. Fuck this, where's the drugs. God I hope I don't wake up high because them I'm really fucked. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Last time I dreaded it and it was great, it will be great this time!
Side B: Lies.
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