All at want more than anything else at this moment in time is to be able to sleep. That's all, just sleep, is that to much to ask for? I didn't sleep much the days leading up to Halloween due to stress of preparing my house to be put on the market, after the realtor came last Monday I fell asleep for hours as soon as she left.
I slept okay Tuesday, Wednesday night I had the weird hypnagogic sleep (I need to do more research on it) Thursday 3 hours, Friday 2 hours and last night a whole 45 minutes. This is all with meds that are supposed to make me sleep, it's ridiculous. It try with meds all night and around 7 or 8 am I just give up.
Trazodone doesn't work, Geodon isn't working, Hydroxyzine isn't working, Benadryl isn't working, nothing is working. I would happily take a good thump to the head to knock me out.
I had a job interview yesterday so I thought my insomnia was do to the stress of it and that it would go away and I would sleep like after the realtor came, but that didn't happen. The interview sucked. I had a panic attack getting ready, had to seriously sit in the car and calm myself before I went in and then try not to cry from anxiety and nerves the entire time while I'm sure looking amped like a meth head.
I could feel the adrenaline rushing which makes me shake and fidget and my speech is really fast and my voice trembles, it's a fucking mess. I could tell I was making them uncomfortable. It doesn't matter too much, as much as I need a job this was minimum wage (which I haven't been paid since I was in high school) and the house was disgusting and a roach motel. Roaches are my biggest fear so seeing them all over didn't help the anxiety, I didn't want to touch or sit on anything.
I wish I could just get this shit under control already. No point in stressing over it though, all it will do is make it even harder to sleep which I hope I will do tonight. Wish me luck.
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